thank you for just one more day.

I can't help but wonder if he says the same things to her.
If he looks at her the same way.
Maybe it's just the way he is.
I may never know.
And I'm okay with that.

March is getting closer.
I want it to slow down.
Actually, no I don't.
I want to go back to Wilmette.
I miss it more than you could imagine.
You never could imagine me though.
I was crazy to think you ever would.
And even if you have...
you never proved it.

livin on a prayer.

literally.
i cant sleep.
but i never could.
so that's nothing new.
my eyes are burning.
somethings telling me "he doesnt care"
but I keep fighting.
i keep praying.
i keep...crying and giving up.
i dont want to live like this anymore.
i dont want to keep chasing one guy who will never care.
he will never understand why i keep doing this.
texting him. calling him. trying to get his attention.
he will never understand that all i want...
is to be worth something for once.
to be there for someone because no one was there for me.
he's got people surrounding him 24/7.
how could he ever feel alone?
but i've been down that road.
sometimes its nice to have someone there...
who just tries to understand.
someone who will listen and not go psychiatrist on you.
someone who will cry with you.
sometimes its nice.
sometimes.

make them real.

Lonely, stubborn and complacent.
You have insisted on leaving me here,
writing the same song I started last year.
Lovely conjunctions and phrases,
plays on a few words that you never meant.
I must have misread all of the signals you never sent.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHcZmx1fEAI

i have loved and lost my heart along the way.

this one time i got on stage with FOB...

you're like a drug.
you make me forget what's important.
and make me remember what's not.
the lights forced their into my eyes, blinding me.
the ground pulsed beneath me with every word.
the speakers drove straight through my memory.
and the 10,000 plus people in front of me screamed
so loud that i almost went deaf.
but i dont remember most of it.
and i'm done trying.
for now...i'm just sticking with this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk2BwxfR1xE

dreams and violence

i dont want to wake up early.
i dont want to live here anymore.
i dont want to sit at a desk for the rest of my life.
myself is all i ever think about.
with the exception of about 23 hours of my day
when all i'm thinking about is you.
you tear at my mind almost constantly.
the words you've written force their way into my thoughts.
it all seems crazy but its true.
and the way you ignore me sends me into a god damn hospital,
spending 3 hours a day talking to a psychiatrist
about how this isnt real. you never even saw me.
you never looked at my hideaway.
you never responded to my random IM. "nice site".
you never called out ninja in front of thousands of people.
that never happened? bullshit. it all happened.
and there's no way that some psychiatrist can prove it didnt.
i will prove them wrong. whatever it takes.